Spiritual life lessons from icon painting
Learning to paint icons has been and continues to be one of the great blessings of my life. My teacher, who is also a long time faithful, supportive friend, is gifted in her ability to create beautiful icons for her students to paint, communicate the “how to’s” of the many details of icon painting, and also gifted in walking emotionally and spiritually with us who are trying to learn. She is patient and always hopeful for us and she models resilience. A model for us in how to walk in the spiritual life. We never paint without praying first, another great example of how to stay close to Our Lord. She reminds us over and over “everything is fixable, it’s just paint.” We can always begin again, Nunc Coepi.
My teacher started the icon studio in her own house in the fall of 2017, a model of sacrifice and what it looks like to enter into self-gift to others. By grace, I was privileged to be a part of the first official class she taught. We painted St Michael the Archangel. I technically did not have time to paint, but God made a way in my schedule (I was working at a church full-time) and through a supportive and awesome boss, there was time.
In the first class were women who were at different levels of artistic ability. We had several women who were art majors in college, we had women who were artists, we had women who were creative, and we had women who had not held a paint brush since they were kids – that was me!
When my teacher first described the process to us, I remember thinking ‘ok this will be paint by numbers’, boy was I wrong:
- Sketch the icon pattern (she did this for us!!!)
- Prepare the icon board (she did all of the hard measuring)
- Trace the pattern onto the board
- Mix your paint colors (she did this for us too!)
- Paint the base coats on the icon
- Trace the details on top of the basecoats (patterns from teacher)
- Paint the details on the icon
- Paint the faces on the icon
- Apply gold if using, and varnish it
- Paint the halos and lines (teacher does this)
- Paint the icon letters
- Varnish
Painting icons is a step-by-step process, and it is a slow process, meant to be prayerful and contemplative. It will quiet the soul. But when I started, being a woman who likes to get things done, and done well, I was not able to enter into the quiet space of the icon world. I was concerned with getting it right, painting perfectly and comparing what I painted to those around me.
We started appropriately, with painting St Michael the archangel. He is a great warrior for us in the spiritual battle of our daily life. Well, I was disappointed and discouraged. For the first half of the year I complained, I said it was too hard, I said my icon was not good enough. I beat myself up that I was bad at icon painting. My teacher was always encouraging and supportive, but I could not hear her. What I heard in my head, which started with my own voice, but then the enemy increased the volume, was: “you are terrible at this, you should quit. You will never be any good at this, walk away.” I was overwhelmingly frustrated with myself and on some level knew that my attitude was a huge part of the problem. I could not see a way in to the quiet space of painting, I could only hear the negative voices.
But then sometime in January 2018 something shifted. I got into the rhythm of the painting and the creative part of me got excited about the possibilities of painting and learning how to paint. The part of me that likes to learn got excited about so many new things to learn and I was able to quiet my inner critic. God poured out the grace that created docility and meekness in my soul and I could hear my teacher say, “trust me, it will be beautiful in the end.” I became teachable. Instead of fighting an internal battle of “I’m not a good enough painter,” I could follow my teacher’s lead and allow the process to work.
This is so much a reflection of our journey in the interior world of our spiritual lives. The path of sanctification is about recognizing that we are small, that we can’t become saints by striving, that God is the first mover. It’s about understanding deeply that God has a plan, it’s a good plan and I trust the plan. There is a plan for the icon, the teacher has a process for us to follow, and I trust the process.
Saint Therese is such a wonderful guide for us in the process of becoming childlike and small so that our Lord can guide and shape us into the saints we are created to be. We must cooperate, but not take control. Simple but hard. Saint Therese deeply understood that the childlike qualities within us lead us directly to Jesus. This year I had the privilege of painting Saint Therese, and she is such a great friend to me that the painting just happened. She appeared before me on the icon board and her docility and love fore Jesus shined from her image. She was saying to me “let God lead and the plan will unfold. Don’t sweat the small stuff, just stay with Jesus.”
I have now painted over twenty icons, and I cannot imagine life without icon painting. Painting images of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the holy men and women who are saints has become a lifeline to God’s world, that is more real than this world, and is yet veiled. The veil is lifted to me when I paint icons.
And yet – the battle is always real. So, we must stay aware.
I am participating in a one week icon “bootcamp” where we are painting archangel Gabriel. I have been painting well recently and figured this week would be a breeze. I perhaps have been trusting too much in my own abilities and trying to control the outcome. When I stumbled in a step of the icon (gold details) I was angry and comparative. Internally churning I heard the old familiar “you aren’t good at this; you should walk away.” Stuck in that spot of internal self-loathing, I could not find a way out. And the enemy, who is always prowling about seeking our ruin, leaned into that old lie. After about 20 minutes, my teacher announced, “I am pleased with everyone’s gold, good job.” I replied, “not mine, I’m just not good at this.” Our teacher was quiet and did not acknowledge this ridiculous statement from me. She just kept moving about the studio encouraging us and being loving and positive. All I could see was that my gold looked the worst in the studio – comparisons are not helpful, but I could not help myself. The Lord was reaching out His Hand to me and I was ignoring it.
The saints teach us that ‘everything is gift.’ And I could not see the gift of humility that Jesus offered me. Once I settled down, I saw that opportunity and yet tried to shrug it off.
“Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like thine.”
I pray this over and over after I receive Jesus in Holy Communion. How could I not accept this beautiful gift of humility from Him? I was striving for my own idea of how the icon should look and trusting in my own ability and not letting the Holy Spirit guide me.
When I returned home and looked at my first icon of St Michael, I saw that the gold details are similar to the details on the current icon of St Gabriel. I sent my teacher a text saying, “St Gabriel didn’t want to outshine St Michael.” I could with time and grace see that what showed up on the icon is what is meant to be. I remembered that it’s not about what the finished product looks like, it’s about the journey of painting each icon. Each time we paint an icon God stretches us and we grow in our love for Him. We glorify Him in our efforts to portray Him, His mother and His saints.
Slow down, smell the roses, be small and childlike. Thank you, Holy Spirit and St Therese, for reminding me to be meek and humble of heart.
Our teacher models this and the icon studio is a place of peace and grace. We find Jesus in the studio and in our teacher. Thank you, Lord for Nancy’s incredible gifts and talents, but mostly for her docility to the Holy Spirit and her Fiat to being an icon teacher, for her yes to leading her students to You through this beautiful process.
Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make our hearts like yours.
Bound in Love 
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