“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”

Proverbs 3:5

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.”

Psalm 40:1

A good friend of mine is fond of talking about the Weaver and His Tapestry when she describes God and His plans for us.  I often think of God as a potter who is continually shaping the clay that is His people and their lives.  Over the last few months the Weaver has been busy weaving together various parts of my life that were dangling threads.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I felt called by God to go to work at my church.  But through an intense, prayerful, thoughtful discernment process, my family and I decided that the job was too big a time commitment for us.  There were just too many night and weekends involved.  I was deeply sad, and couldn’t understand why the pull felt so strong and all signs pointed to my being a good fit for what God needed, but then it was suddenly clear that I should not take the job.  Confusion ruled my heart.  I felt empty and alone, but understood God was with me.  I knew that God had a plan for me, and I trusted Him and shockingly for me, I waited.   I am not very good at waiting.  My husband often reminds me that wait is not a four letter word.   I thought I would be waiting for a couple more years before He called me to work for Him.

Then I got a phone call in mid-December that the church wanted to talk to me about a part-time version of the job.  Only one night a week.  The rest of the work could be done while my kids are in school.  I was shocked, and excited!  When we worked out the details it became clear that God had handed me exactly what would fit in our lives.  He is the Master Weaver.

The process was fruitful and inspirational for me and for my family.  All parties involved, my side and the church also, were praying and discerning and listening.  When everyone is listening for direction and trying to follow His Will, all things are possible.

We will see how I handle working again, how my family adjusts and how much I can stretch my brain.  I will be walking with people as they join my church.  I will be helping them to learn the teachings of the Church.  And hopefully I will be able to share my journey with those who wish to be Catholic,  and they will see how much God loves us, provides for us and wants to be in relationship with His people.  Thank you God for your great love and for being patient with me as I discerned.  Thank you for weaving together the pieces of my life into something beautiful.  Thank you for giving me my heart’s desire – Your Presence.

Listen to How He Loves by the David Crowder Band

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

⁶ There was a man sent from God whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. ⁸ He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

⁹ The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. ¹⁰ He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹ He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

¹⁴ The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

John 1:1-14

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).

Matthew 1:23

Advent symbols float through our minds and lives this time of year.  Lights, stars, angels, evergreens, pink and purple candles, camels and wise men and mangers waiting for an infant.  Advent is about waiting and preparing.  Waiting for Immanuel and preparing ourselves for what it really means to have God with us.

Our world is a busy world.  We run, we hustle, we bustle, we use our smartphones and computers to do what?  To save time?  But then we run even harder.  Are we running from ourselves, from stress, from boredom, from emptiness?  We can get off of the treadmill of a harried life.  We can run straight into the arms of God.  He is waiting for us, for He is God with us. 

This year during Advent I have been trying to create space in my life, space in my mind and space in my heart  – for Jesus.  Only through moving ourselves and the parts of our lives we use to distract ourselves out of the way, can we find the still, quite place where God will fill us with himself.  God with us.

During the last two days before Christmas I will be thinking about and praying about Immanuel – God with us.  And how lucky are we that our God loves us so much that He became man and walked with us.  And how if that does not transform us, nothing will.  We need to stop, and breathe, and soak in the reality of God’s tremendous love for us.  And wonder at the beautiful mystery of Immanuel.  God with us. 

Listen to the Pentatonix sing Mary, did you know?

“Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to distribute to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.”  

Luke 9:16-17

I love working in Clyde’s Kitchen.  It is a place where Jesus lives.  Clyde, who cooks the food, runs the kitchen and is the boss, has been working there for 24 years.  He has a bunch of guys who help him every day and then volunteers who come to help round out the crew.  Clyde and his helpers get there before dawn, us helper folks arrive at 8:30am after a lot of the hard work has been done.  We get to show up and watch the miracles happen.

Every day before feeding 250 homeless Atlantans, Clyde says grace.  These prayers are moving, inspirational and uplifting.  Last week he opened with:

“Brothers and sisters, it’s a good day today.  You know why?  Because God woke me up today.  He woke me up and He gave me a little something to eat for breakfast and some juice.  I have a good meal for you all today.  So let’s give thanks to our Father God.”

I was struck by Clyde’s words.  God woke me up today.  How often do I give thanks to God for waking me up?  For my very life, for each breath.  It’s easy to take life for granted, but none of us has any guarantee that he will be here tomorrow.  So thank you God for today, for my health, for my safety, for waking me up,  for breathing, and for keeping my heart beating.

The other amazing thing that happens at Clyde’s kitchen is that he always has enough food.  Most of the food is donated to the kitchen.  Sometimes it’s just ingredients from restaurants, sometimes groups donate sandwiches, many grocery stores donate leftover  baked goods.  Clyde works with what he gets.  It’s fun to see what he does with what God provides.

Last week the day I was there was busy – we served over 225 guests.  It was a hot meal of chicken and rice casserole, soup, salad and dessert.  When we ran out of the chicken we served bag lunches made by a school group.  The children decorated the bags.  I was tickled by a bag with a drawing of Santa’s head.  It was labeled “floating Santa head.”  As we began to run out of the bagged lunches a volunteer came and told us we had another 15 people coming through.  We were down to 4 trays of food.  We quickly got out 11 more trays and loaded them with dessert and fruit, but where would the main dish come from?  One of the volunteers who has worked with Clyde for years leaned over and said “you watch, Clyde will come up with something for these folks to eat.  He always does. It’s like the loaves and fishes around here.  Miracles happen all the time.”

I was thinking the same thing about loaves and fishes and miracles when Clyde appeared with more sandwiches and some extra peanut butter crackers and peanuts.  He put together 11 extra meals in about 2 minutes.  Clyde is able to do all he does because he is focused on Jesus and he lets God work through him.  He doesn’t get flustered or irritated, he is loving and kind. He knows who is in control and who is not.  He knows that God is good and all is grace.   He is Jesus in action here in Atlanta.

I am humbled and thankful to be able to help out a little at Clyde’s kitchen, a place where the loaves and fishes man smiles at, welcomes in and feeds all who enter.

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For more information about Crossroads ministries click here.

^” Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”

Colossians 3:15

Unfortunately my post yesterday offended some working moms.  I certainly had no intention of hurting anyone, and I am so sorry if my words hurt.   This blog is a place to share my journey, and my path is that – my path.  I would not presume to know another’s path.  What I do know is that God loves each and every one of us, no matter where we are on the path.  Even if the journey has not yet begun for someone, God still calls her.

I am trying to learn to be thankful in all circumstances.  I believe that thankfulness is the way to joy.

I apologize if I offended or hurt anyone reading this blog.  I do know that not working to be home with children is a gift.  And I am thankful for that gift.  I do know that sometimes we have to work to support our families and there is no choice.  God supports us wherever we are. And there is much for which to be thankful in every situation.  Even when it seems like there’s not.  He gives us the air to breathe, the lungs with which to breathe the air.  He keeps the earth moving and the sun shining.

God gives all of us the incredible gift of His Presence – each and every one of us.  If we are open to Him.  It’s hard to believe that the Creator of the universe will enter into a relationship with each of us.  But that is exactly what He does.  I am humbled and awed by His great love of creation.

Peace.

“Teach me good discernment and knowledge, For I believe in Your commandments.”

Psalm 119:66

For the last three weeks I thought God was calling me to go back to work full time.  Full time, full time, as in nights and weekends too.  I was interviewing for a church job that involves bringing people into the church and also involves creating adult education programs at church.  I was convinced it was the perfect job for me and that my 2 teens at home could handle my absence.

I discerned, I prayed, I talked to friends who know me and my family.  I prayed and I prayed.  And I thought I heard God pulling me to the job.  But it turns out what I heard was myself.  I wanted the job.  I wanted to be a big girl again.  I wanted to prove I could do something valuable and real.  As if mothering and being a wife isn’t real and valuable.

I involved my two at home kids in the process.  The boy was fine with me going back to work – the girl was not.  I did not want to make the decision based on the kids’ preferences.  I wanted to do what God wanted me to do.  But sometimes it’s hard to know God’s will.

Ultimately I decided that I made a commitment to my three children to raise them all until college age while being a stay at home mom.  I have always known since I held my oldest in my arms that this was the path for me.   But my pride and my ego and my restless heart got in the way and boy did I really want to be back in the work force full time.  The reality is, my kids are only with us at home for three and a half more years.  And the biggest gift I can give them is my presence, my support, and my love while they are here.  I am more present when I am not working full time.  There are plenty of jobs (paid or volunteer) I can do while they are at school from 9-3.

I learned a lot from this discernment process. I learned that things are not always as they seem, and that seeing God’s will is difficult.  And sometimes we get it wrong.  I also learned where my heart is.  It is in the middle of this family that God gave me and entrusted to me.  I am extremely thankful for the gift of children and all they teach me.  I pray that God will continue to show me how to be the mother they need.

I am also reminded to be joyful where I am right now, in this day.  What I have always wanted is right here in front of me.  I just have to open my eyes and see.  See Jesus in my life, walking with me, filling me, loving me.  Right where I am.  If I can share that with my children and they know how much God loves them, and that He is present to them in their daily lives,  then I am doing alright.

Listen to Open the Eyes of My Heart

“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”

Isaiah 40-31

It’s been a long 2 weeks in our household.  Three sick and one with a broken ankle, and one of the sick ones was me!  Hard to do Thanksgiving well when you’re not feeling great, but God gave me the strength and grace.  And it was a wonderful Thanksgiving with family!

Advent has begun.  It has always been one of my favorite liturgical seasons, even though waiting is not my strong suit.  The slow progression towards the birth of our Infinite, Awesome God always humbles me and takes my breath away.  That God chose to come into the world as a baby, as we are born, shows how much he loves us.  More than we can even fathom.

Thinking about great, unconditional love has made me feel even more deeply how thankful I am for my marriage and for the man with whom I share this journey.  He knows me better than I know myself.  He helps me see wisdom when I would be foolish.  He is a patient counselor who has words of comfort and compassion.  He is a great friend and a lot of fun.  His humor keeps us all on our toes. He is loving, loyal and a great father.   The greatest gift God has given me is Himself, but second to that is my husband.  I am a lucky girl and I hope and pray that my own children will have marriages that are deep and true and centered on Christ.

As I watch my husband progress further into the deaconate formation process, I am thankful that he is able to pursue his passion for God in this way.  I am growing with him in his walk as he grows towards Christ, and I am thankful for that.  I am looking forward to what God will teach us in this season of waiting.